First Review! "Goosebumps: An Old Story"

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Sup y'all. You may or may not know me from my amazing stream known only to the people as "TOAST WITH THE MOST".  Now as those of you who have made yourselves known on said stream (hollaaaa) I make it my mission to provide YOU the people with quality SPOOK. My channel consists primarily of 80's to 90's television creepage, with such classics as Goosebumps, Tales from the Crypt, and Are You Afraid of the Dark, though I do leave these boundaries from time to time (Dark Place, MXC, Movies). I figure after watching all dem streams I've gained enough experience to provide you with accurate reviews of these televised programs so you can take a look for these bad boys outside of the regular programming schedule (remember, buy, don't pirate!)

Now, after that long introduction, I am happy to bring you my first review and summary of the wonderfully entertaining Goosebumps episode, AN OLD STORY.


So the episode begins with some old hag or some shit. I can't really remember because it wasn't that interesting. Basically, it's the aunt of these two ugly ass brothers (a fat one and a really ugly one) coming to take care of 'em while their parents are away. OH GOSH.

 

I meant it bro. Jesus. Look at that forehead I mean come on now.

So the bitch offers them some cookies. Being children, that shit can't be shot down (even though its moving, like what the hell). So the kids take a bite and BAM PRUNE COOKIES. DELICIOUS. Lets skip ahead some useless bullshit and they are waking up the next morning with GREY HAIR and BACK PAIN. Now the old bag has some of her "friends" over to meet the boys who are now old as shit and its fucking hilarious. I mean these kids SOUND HILARIOUS.

Ugly kid, now with 50% more horrifying forehead.

Either way, the one fat one hides away and hears a conversation, oh shit the old birds wanna marry them. The aunt is getting PAYMENT for this too (what would the mother think I have no idea). So basically its pedophilia by old people who want young men who look old (what in the fuuuu). Shits hilariously creepy. OH AND THEY MAKE THE TWO KIDS PLAY BRIDGE. CAN'T FORGET THAT IN AN EPISODE INSULTING SENIOR CITIZENS. So the kids ditch the bridge game to make a plan.

"Ehh? How did we get in the kitchen?"

 Seriously though fuck old people.

ANYWAYS, they find some baby food and it MAGICALLY brings them back to their youth (and yes the ugly kid is still ugly). The old fucks come into the room and get desperate. Their old men are suddenly young again! ALL THEIR HOPE OF BEING LOVED IS GONE (PROTIP LADIES IT WASN'T THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, ENJOY DYING ALONE). They try to fight the kids, and knock down the baby food, breaking the jar so there is no more antidote for the magic prune bullshit. The ugly kid finds some prune juice in the fridge and tosses it into his aunts face, causing probably the most horrifying death scene in the shows entire history.

Oh shit auntie are you okay

Oh shit.

OH SHIT. THAT IS MURDER. HOW YA GONNA EXPLAIN THAT TO MOM, BOYS?

So basically, the other two hags trying to bang the kids get the hell outta dodge and make a break for wherever the hell old people calm down (Bingo maybe? I don't know). The kids clean up and have a good old time alone, when the ugly brother notices the fat one missing. He goes in to the next room and... FATTY IS A BABY. HE FOUND MORE BABY FOOD. AND DECIDED TO EAT IT. WHAT A TWIIIIST!

The moral of the story is, old people are terrible, and fat people are stupid.

SPOOK: 3/5  (Creepy old people, come on now)
LAUGH: 4/5  (Goddamn the old children are hilarious)
TOTAL: 4/5  ( NOT AN AVERAGE, AND RELATIVE TO GOOSEBUMPS EPISODES)

If you like Goosebumps, or even Are You Afraid of the Dark, I recommend this episode, it's one of the best (and much better with friends, as with every other episode).